Old Old Words

drops from an archaeological ocean — to be reworked

Month: April, 2010

big crack: doubt again…

should I continue in this ‘quantity’ thing (reread + informatize the notebooks),
or find something else?

difficult…

I see that I have a lot, probably way too much…

I should focus more,
Make some choice in the ‘concepts’ that I want to develop…

The big problem, as always, is the ‘definitive’ form…
Which  seems so unnatural…

Now I have material, and I can have even more (it takes time, that’s all)…
But the fear of ‘nothing finished’, ‘nothing at hand’
remains…

What shall I do, then…?

Maybe… try to ‘order’ what I have on the computer already,
Instead of copying and inserting more material??
Stop the input, so to speak…

It’s always this thing…
I should have organised myself better, earlier…

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Multiplying documents, with small content.

Each time, in a new document: theme, plus connected ideas, sentence bits, etc.

Then name creation for the documents

Reading of various lists of documents
Grouping of similar topics, themes

Easy adding (from top of head, from previous notes, from primary source)
Easy combining

Just do this a lot
And quantity won’t be a problem anymore.

Now totally in doubt,

Again,

About methods…

And when methods come to the forefront, it is no good omen.

It is the beginning of paralysis.

Well, now that I know that.
Can I change?
Can I do something?

So, then, what should be done.

List what’s here already.

The notes, everything.

Order it.

Recreate it in my own image.

Master it through writing.

Hwaet.

To write, freely.

Establish constraints, go through it.

Was ist Glück? – Das Gefühl davon, daß die Macht wächst, – daß ein Widerstand überwunden wird.

So.

See the already formed ideas, the plan, the existing parts of redaction,
As constraints
As obstacles
That have to be overcome.
That have to be transcended, trespassed.

where does this go???

where…

it seems like a dissolution…

like something that gets away…

very scary…

what could be the  … paradigm?

there’s no certainty about all that….

I am well out of my path…

the path of ‘serious culture’…

is it not where creativity lies?

I wonder…

I will need strength, discipline, energy…
Otherwise there won’t be any any thing…

Should it be controlled?

Should it be constructed?

Is it not … anyway??

Not sure, not sure at all.

Construct yoursel, the rest shall follow, they would say…
a part would say…

many voices in the head…

Me bluffing with itself.

over the years… it’ll get better…
emptier…
only this .. abstract, dotted!, autobiography…

small things
let into reality.
dropped?
spread.

only these abstract rags, as previously said.
rags piled and piled and piled.

And someday, maybe…??

probably simpler is the only way…
dramatic to write like this…
outside language.

always inferior…
in everything you do…
I should go back…
if I still can…
I wonder…
nothing’s less sure…

what’s to be done??

the crack remains, of course…
I don’t know what to do.

there is this crack… obviously… and… it has nothing to do with the lack, with the surface.
crazy how it fits perfectly… the crack and the surface…
a high thin bridge, a cover of lacquer, worse: a gloss…
suspended line over space.