Old Old Words

drops from an archaeological ocean — to be reworked

Month: November, 2009

ok

always this meandering … that I try to reorient…
which always comes back…
I wish this could lead to … official writing…
devil…
I have to.
I don’t really know how.
And anguish is not strong enough yet…
It’s quite annoying that… official writing can only be accessed through…
anguish pressure…
very annoying.
Donc, comment y arriver?
comment … m’y mettre?
l’idée d’un aplanissement (‘rapprochement’ du texte) me paraît nécessaire…
je me demande…
diable, je me sens faible.
faible, ignorant, etc…
très difficile d’énoncer quelque chose depuis cette frame… en public.
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nasty nasty difficulties…

urgl…
always the same, recurring ones, obviously…
it seems necessary to know what the others have written.
(or is it really? that’s the obvious question)
and in this perspective, something within me resists.
says ‘no’.
reading in order to be inattackable is no good motivation.
at least, I would say, … it doesn’t work!
I can feel my energy lowering…
lol…
there was a time when… I did not care about that…
Maybe I should go back to this … (psychological) space…
but can I?
is it not… a Fall?
something that was broken, that cannot be (yet?) reforged…
à sauts et à gambades,
les choses langagières du doute, du méandre, de l’évitement
Montaigne, Montaigne.
Je ne peux trop aimer ton prénom – d’autres Michel me sont peu commodes.
Mais quelle rencontre, quelle hantise délicieuse depuis!

it seems quite clear that … if I am ‘closer’ to the text, it is easier to write… (quantitative…)

moreover, more quotes possible, etc. etc.
yet it is … less strong…
or at least in the form of a danger
danger to have a less strong … thought, writing, etc…
(very weird, impossible for me to distinguish the criteria of this ‘strenght’… is it … outside impact, reception? is it a form of inner concentration, or quality of flow?)
danger … of something boring, of something… impersonal (lol obviously I qualify my (role-)models in terms of ‘highly personal’ writing styles… writers, philosophers, composers… always this silly empty word of ‘originality’…)
now…
should I attempt… to ‘translate’, transcribe what is manuscript to the computer?
Read and comment myself, in a way…
I wonder.
first question: is it psychologically possible?
should it require preparation…?
(everything seems to require preparation, these days, within myself…)

wrote a few paragraph…

at the computer.
big step.
nevertheless…
it seems quite theoretical…
claustrophobic.
always driven by some failure…
weird.
I am not fully statisfied (obviously)
the most crucial problem will be to get to the text. introduce quotes? not necessarily viewed just as a trivial activity of cut/paste: as the problem of ‘closeness’ to the text. How ‘close’, how ‘far’ – very very difficult question,
dissatisfied with theses words.
how to work with the ‘object” – book, score, anything…
already bad question, probably: i.e. say that it is an object is already a big choice. already something with many prerequisites, many presuppositions, many consequences…
posited, it seems, that we talk about the object… lol it does not mean a lot to me. where is the limit between… say, talking about the object, or, as we commonly say, using an object to talk about oneself, or one’s system
I’ve heard and said it many times: e.g. Deleuze uses cinema to talk about his own concepts of time and movement… Thus creating a frontier with ‘hardcore’ cinema criticsm (usually connotated with boring, but also seen as more … informative, if one ‘really’ wants to ‘know more’, to ‘understand’ more ‘clearly’ cinematic works…).
devil… I’m so deep in the ‘meta-‘levels… is it sustainable?
should I not … be/go elsewhere…?

all righty…

il faut écrire…
écrire sur un sujet…
diable…
pourquoi ai-je configuré mon esprit…
configuré… l’étrangeté radicale de ce processus?
il faut ramener les choses à une nécessité interne…
(et encore, sans nul doute, est-ce ce trop, beaucoup trop extrême…)
donc…
il faut écrire…
il faut … trouver une manière
de m’introduire…
dans l’autre activité…
est-ce que l’option
“abandon de la métaécriture comme nécessité pour l’accès à l’écriture”
est recevable?
y a-t-il …
n’y a-t-il pas… une autre solution?
difficile, blocage.
tentatives
trop timides pour qu’on les oublie en tant que tentatives, précisément.
une question de force, d’élan sûrement.
il faut être plus fort.
plus fort que l’autre, hélas.
comment sortir de la domination?

every step

every level
a long process, almost a victory.
now back at the keyboard.
i should write
i mean write… linearly, according to the rules
write for the other
or as an other inmidst
conform to the fact that they will define me
bref…
i should
obey
or at least… work (now being done) to justify, to prepare the mind
to integrate this activity in my system
the activity of the official writing
not this one
two options:
manage to create another box, another function inside me – public writing
or be able to write intimately
without it being perceived
or being perceived but accepted
as valid
as public
by the other,
who judges.
(or others, obviously)

extraordinary slow

every step
your journey… starts?
it has already started, long ago
every step a first step an introduction
to the next
first
step

will start again
phoenix from its ashes
once more once more